What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 04:51
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She loved him until the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My ex moved on so fast. How can I overcome the pain?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My family never makes their pension either.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Put me off passion for life!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
When she asked me how she looked .
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It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
If my lovely sister sleeps with my boyfriend, what should I do about her?
But, we were locked up after school.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
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Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So whats the point in blame.
But it wasn’t much.
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This is soul school!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
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She married twice! .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
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They are buried together, in the same grave..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was 9 years of age.
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Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
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Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im still living with it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Would this be the day?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One cannot live in the past .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She wouldn,t have been !
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He resisted the act ,that day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I waited trembling.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I don,t even have a pension.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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We were not on the streets..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I said to her
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We all went to grammer schools
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She found it foreign!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I could never make a relationship work though!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But ive been too sick for many years..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What did i know ?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I think the readers, may guess!
She was in good health!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was scared of men, in general
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So, i spoilt her more .
Who then, do I blame.?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ive learnt so much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
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Why did i forgive my father ?
All the time i was locked up.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
(And it was in our own minds.)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My life is so biszare .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I will be 64.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Comes on , in middle age.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was seconnd youngest,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
It was going to be , some day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was very sick at this time too.
He knew the spot.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I write beautiful poetry .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i lived it daily.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I have no regrets .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .